Inflammation Awareness and the Judging Response

A few things have become clear to me in the past few weeks:

1. I have a general aversion to pain.
2. I get quite pissy when I’m agitated.

At first glance, these both seem obvious and potentially experiences that are universally human.  So let me explain.

Pain Aversion

Rather than feeling pain, physical or emotional, I tend to change the subject, start a conversation or look for someone to talk to, walk away from things that are too painful to do or deal with, or eat.  Rather than actually feel the pain, I intellectualize it or drive my mind to distraction.

Pain is agitation.  That brings us to pissy.
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Quite Pissy

So here’s the deal. When I actually feel pain, my emotional response can be unfortunately predictable.  If left unchecked, pain turns to agitation, agitated turns to pissy, and then we arrive at a helpless, angry feeling that turns cyclical.

Cyclical anger and self-pity is a big problem. It’s all judgement. Why do I feel this pain? Why can’t I do the things that other twenty somethings can?  Why can’t I just be normal?

Inflammation Awareness

Mornings are painful.  The pads of my feet swell up.  This makes walking generally uncomfortable.  However, when I’m aware of the inflammation, where it is and how much stiffness there is, I can better support my body.  I make better choses around footwear or morning activities (for example, I don’t practice hot yoga before 10am now as a rule).  In part because of this disease, I’ve created a life around flexibility.  That wasn’t a joke about yoga, that was to say that my days are not structured around 9-5 business hours or a more traditional Western ideal largely because it doesn’t work for my body.  Frankly, I don’t think it actually works for anyone, but I digress…

Point is: You have to be able to feel the pain, learn what your body is asking for and respond appropriately.  Otherwise, you’re just contributing your own stress and inflammation levels by playing into the judging response.