The Heart of a Traveler

I like to tell myself I was always this way.  Or point to the spark that ignited my traveling fire. But what’s the use looking for the beginning or the end?  I am still on the road.

Over the last year, I have been in Thailand, Haiti, China, Canada and the USA.   I have wandered alone through street markets, traveled with a group specifically to bring support, learned deliberately and made a haphazard study of my own consciousness.  Everywhere, I formed connections; watched humanity expressed in culture; and caught myself in total presence – letting the jukebox in my head play the soundtrack of life.

“Life is beautiful,” I find myself thinking.  And everywhere, I look up at the clouds and out at the world.

Certainly, wanderlust by definition lacks grounding.  Now, as I settle back into a sedentary routine, a regular teaching schedule, an apartment, I find myself seeking.  It is easy enough in the moment to forget to look up, that life is an amazing articulation of growth and constant change.

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Of the lessons from the path I have followed so far, every day, moment, breath, is an opportunity to see things differently, to try out a new approach, to start over.  My wanderlust may well be an escapist approach to the fear of the possibility that this day may be exactly like the next one, and the one after that, and the one after… Building beginner’s mind in a system of expectations and shoulds is much more challenging for this precise reason.

Caught somewhere between complete acceptance of the beginner’s mind and the simultaneous belief that we write our own stories in this life, there is a sort of cognitive dissonance.  A disconnect between what is, what could be, the beliefs of our mind and what our deeper selves have accepted as truth.

No doubt, I am still on the road.  I do not believe that it is less traveled.  Nor do I believe that it is unique to seek out and look in at the same time.  In the digital age, the gap between one continent and another closes in an instant.  However, as I look back to these wonderful places, it is the memory of the feelings created and shared that hold on to.  It is as though knowing what is and has been possible, offers this moment temperance.