A Poem on Pain: This Morning

Because my hands ached when I woke,
I took a walk;
Taking my mind to my footfalls,
to the sound of the ground against my feet.

Because I could not close my hand,
I listened to the grind of the pebbles,
the squish of dewy grass,
the buss of flies circling my ears.

Because my body ached,
I imagined the flies were a conspiracy
hovering just in front of my eyelashes
dashing and darting around my face

Because my hands ached this morning
I was grateful for pranayama.
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Breath is too solo to be noticed.

Because my hands still ached,
I made a list of all the shapes my body could not take
It takes so much effort to push to find the least painful way to hold my body

Because I woke to a familiar ache,
I walked away from daily practice
from the well-meaning questions of concern
Was it self-compassion or avoidance?
I cried as I walked away,
hating and acknowledging my own separation

This morning I woke up in physical pain.

*I wrote this poem while participating in an advanced yoga teacher training – outside of my normal environment, different diet, and with limited sleep; my body was definitely stressed. I was pretty crabby and uncomfortable.